I'm half way through completing a range of cards called Needy Pig. Based on people I have met, who no matter what you say, they like to trump it with their woes / needs. So, for example: You're ill. You are actually ill. But no, they are suddenly more ill. It's your birthday, but it's all about them…. These people are deeply annoying, so making them funny is my way of coping….
In the land of Needy Pigs, Looking your best is a priority….
In the land of Needy Pigs, Valentine's Day is one of the most popular day of the year...
In the land of Needy Pigs, a large well attended birthday party is essential
A bizarre mix of brown bear, red deer, bad dress sense and poor dental hygiene mean the Bufoone has to try harder to make friends that the average garden creature. Well-read, cultured, fluent in 245 languages and an excellent stand up comedian, the Bufoone is easy to know and a likeable companion. There is no end to his talents, which can become tiresome but his excellent baking skills mean his constant showing off can be overlooked if you like cake. Don't, under any circumstances, tie a green balloon and a blue balloon to his left antler as this is the Bufoone equivalent of an engagement ring and breaking it off will be upsetting. You don't want to end up married to a Bufoone, trust me.
Don't be fooled by the ballet shoes. Peliboones dislike dancing, classical music and all forms of theatre. They would rather play board games and cards whilst eating chocolate covered peanuts. The shoes are actually used to enable stealthy hunting as the Peliboone likes to sneak up on its dinner unannounced. Someone should tell them that choccy nut snacks can't hear them anyway. Since 1905 they have been banned from flying but will occasionally take to the skies on a Wednesday in March if it's raining. No one knows why but if you catch one you could ask them for me.
.....doesn't actually exist which makes it difficult to explain why you can usually see one every Wednesday night, at 2.39am, tirelessly weeding your garden. Barfoones are oversensitive and self conscious creatures and should be approached with extreme caution. If startled or frightened in any way they will emit a barrage of terrifying attack balloons form their enormous mouths. If you ever see a balloon in the night sky you know that there is a panicking Blue Barfoone not too far away. You have been warned.
Outrageously self important but ultimately pointless garden night creature. A year in the life of a Draboone lasts for a mere 24 hours which means it celebrates its Birthday every day. This makes them very expensive and annoying pets. Look out of your window at 3.47am and you might just see a Draboone pleading for a present. They eat cake and egg mayonnaise sandwiches on white sliced bread. This one is 11042 today which makes him about 33 but you should probably check that on the calculator.
The awful tuneless singing and ham-fisted guitar playing make the Guaroone one of the most unwelcome of garden night creatures. On the plus side they leave no mess and, unlike some, take all their specialist picnicking and barbecuing equipment with them in the morning. Although easily domesticated and assimilated into family life, at over 9ft tall, 23 stone and prone to telling the same story over and over and over again, they can test even the most patient Guaroone fancier if acquired as a pet. Proceed with caution.
I was born in Oxford and now live in South London with my husband and three children. I worked for many years as a fashion stylist, and even when I was doing that all I really wanted to do was draw.....